It gets dark at five and I have spent the whole winter thinking about this
- Looking for
- one honest conversation before I decide anything
- Experience
- None. A very quiet few months and a great deal of reading.
- Around
- the eastern suburbs, Sydney
It has been dark by half past five since May and I have spent most of that in a flat on my own, thinking about something I have been avoiding for about a decade. That is the honest origin of this post. Not a revelation, not a crisis. A cold season with too many free evenings in it.
Forty two, eastern suburbs, separated eighteen months ago, no experience of any of this beyond a lot of reading and one conversation with a friend that went better than I deserved. I have known something about myself since my twenties and have never once acted on it, and I would like this to be the year that changes, or the year I decide clearly that it will not.
What I want first is conversation. Somebody experienced who can tell me what an ordinary week actually involves, whether it takes over your life, and how people manage it alongside work and family. The intense version is all I have ever read about and I suspect it is the least representative.
I am not fragile. I have run a small business through two very bad years and I do not need managing.
Not looking for anybody in a hurry. Not looking to be told my age makes this unusual, since I already know. Not looking to send photographs before a proper conversation, which has now been asked of me nine times and is the reason my profile has no face on it.