I have been reading this board since autumn and never written anything
- Looking for
- one honest exchange with somebody who has been doing this for years
- Experience
- None. Months of reading in a browser with the history cleared.
- Around
- the west, Sydney
I have been reading posts like this one since about March, in a browser, in a private window, the way you research a symptom you are frightened of. This is the first thing I have written anywhere. I have rewritten it four times and each version was politer and less true than the last, so I am sending the fourth one before I can improve it any further.
Thirty one, out west, and no experience of anything in this world. What I have is a very clear sense that something is missing and an extremely unclear sense of what it is. Months of reading has taught me the vocabulary and almost nothing else, which I now understand is the least useful preparation available.
What I want is one honest conversation with somebody who has been at this for years and can tell me what it is actually like on a Tuesday. Not the intense version. The maintenance version. Whether it takes up a lot of your life. Whether people are as careful as these posts suggest.
I am not looking for anything today and possibly not this year. I would simply like to stop being a person who reads about things.
Not looking for anybody who wants to skip to arranging something. Not looking to be assessed. And not looking for a person who is bored of explaining, which is entirely fair, and I will not take it personally.