I read messages once a week, on a Thursday, and I know what that costs
- Looking for
- somebody who can survive four days of nothing without reading it as rejection
- Experience
- Fifteen years, four dynamics, all of them longer than a year.
- Around
- the inner city, Sydney
I open this app once a week. Thursday evening, an hour, and then it goes back in the folder until the following Thursday. Everything I have ever been told about how to use it says this is the wrong approach, and the app itself clearly agrees, because it buries anybody who is not on it daily.
I do it anyway, for a reason that took me years to work out. When I checked constantly I was worse at this. I answered quickly and shallowly, I kept eight conversations warm out of politeness, and I let people who deserved a decision sit in a queue for months. An hour a week forces me to actually choose.
Forty eight, the inner city, dominant, fifteen years in. Four dynamics, none shorter than a year, two of them still friendships. I am careful, I am specific, and I am deeply boring about consistency.
What this means for you in practice: if you write to me on a Friday you will hear nothing until Thursday, and that silence is not a verdict. When I do answer it will be a proper answer, and if the answer is no you will get it in one clear sentence rather than by being slowly ignored.
Not looking for somebody who needs contact every day in the first month. Not looking for anybody who takes the delay personally after being warned about it. And not looking for a person who is only interested while being pursued.