Eleven questions decided what I am, and it decided wrong
- Looking for
- somebody who reads the post rather than the label above it
- Experience
- Twelve years, two dynamics, both of them slow and long.
- Around
- the Bronx, New York
The sign up flow asked me eleven questions and then printed a word above my profile. It is not the word I would have chosen. It is close enough that arguing sounds pedantic and wrong enough that a certain kind of person writes to me expecting somebody I am not, which is how I ended up having the same disappointing exchange four times in one spring.
Forty five, the Bronx, dominant, twelve years. What the label misses is that I am slow. I do not run anything in the first month. I want to know how somebody talks about their last arrangement, and their family, and what they are like when they are tired, before I take responsibility for any part of them.
What I actually offer is steadiness. Standing expectations that do not change with my mood. Attention that does not evaporate once the novelty has gone. A dynamic I intend to still be running in two years, because both of mine did, and I think that is the only interesting way to do this.
I am not theatrical. I have never raised my voice inside a dynamic and I have no plans to start.
Not looking for anybody who wants a title in week one. Not looking for somebody who needs me to perform the role in writing at eleven in the morning. And not looking for a person who is here to be impressed, because I am, by design, not very impressive on a screen.