Three installs, two years, and not one message sent
- Looking for
- somebody uninterested in how long it took me to get here
- Experience
- None at all, and a longer run up than most people would believe.
- Around
- the Bronx, New York
I have installed this app three times over two years and I have never sent a message. Not one. I have written plenty and deleted all of them, usually at the point where I had to say what I actually wanted, which turns out to be the only part that matters.
Forty one, the Bronx. This is my way around it: a post is easier than a message because it is addressed to nobody in particular and cannot be ignored by a specific person. If you write to me I will answer. I have proven repeatedly that I cannot go first.
What I know about myself is thin but not nothing. I want to be answerable to somebody. I want rules I did not set. I have never tested any of that with another person in the room and I am aware that the gap between a private idea and a real arrangement is where people get hurt.
So I would like to start with talking, over weeks, and then a coffee somewhere public in the afternoon, and no assumption whatsoever that either of those leads anywhere.
Not looking for anyone who wants to be the one who finally gets me to act. That framing has appeared in two conversations I read on other profiles and it made my skin crawl. Not looking for somebody who needs me to be certain. Not looking to be hurried by anybody who thinks two years of hesitating means I am ready now.