My partner has done this for years. I am finding out if I want to
- Looking for
- conversation with people who have been where I am now
- Experience
- None of my own. Two years of watching somebody I love do it well.
- Around
- the Bronx, New York
My partner has been doing this since long before we met and has been completely open about it from the second month. Nothing has been hidden and nothing has been sprung on me. Two years in, I have gone from politely tolerant to genuinely curious, and I am here with her knowledge to work out whether the curiosity is mine or borrowed.
That distinction matters more than anything else I could say. I do not want to arrive at this because somebody I love wants me to. She has been careful to the point of frustrating about not pushing, and I have realised the only way to answer the question is to talk to people who are not her.
Thirty four, the Bronx, no experience of my own. What I am looking for is conversation. People who came to this later. People who tried it and decided it was not for them, honestly, because I have read a hundred accounts of falling in love with it and almost none of the other kind.
I am not looking to meet anybody for anything. I want to understand what it feels like from the inside, and specifically whether there is a version of it that is quiet and domestic rather than the intense thing I keep reading about.
Not looking for advice about my relationship. Not looking for anyone who wants to be the one who shows me. Not looking to be told I am obviously one thing or the other.