This is my fifth profile on the same app and I want to explain why
- Looking for
- somebody who will still be here in three months
- Experience
- Four years on and off, mostly off, two dynamics under a year each.
- Around
- Manhattan, New York
I have deleted this app four times. Every deletion felt like a decision and every reinstall happened within about a month, usually late, usually after a week where nothing else in my life was going well either. I am on my fifth profile and I would rather say that at the top than have you find out.
Thirty one, Manhattan, submissive. The pattern is not mysterious. I get a run of nothing, I take it personally, I go, I miss having somewhere to put this part of myself, I come back. What is gone each time is everything I had built: the two conversations that were slowly getting somewhere, the person who was about to answer, all of it, because deleting the account deletes them too.
So this time I am changing the actual thing rather than the app. I have stopped checking it more than twice a day. I have stopped reading a silence as a message. And I am writing a post that says what I want instead of a bio built to be inoffensive.
What I want is a dominant who is consistent over months rather than impressive in week one. Small standing rules. Someone who follows up on the thing I said last Thursday.
Not looking for intensity that burns out by March. Not looking for anyone who wants me to prove I am serious by being available at short notice. And if I do disappear, I will tell you first, which is a promise I can actually keep.