I downloaded this in March and I still do not know what I am
- Looking for
- conversation with somebody who is not going to hurry me
- Experience
- None. Four months of reading and one nervous conversation.
- Around
- Brooklyn, New York
I downloaded this in March after about two years of thinking about it and I still cannot tell you what I am. Not a coy not sure. An actual, honest, I have never done any of this and the words people use do not yet attach to anything I have felt in a room.
Twenty seven, Brooklyn. What brought me here was noticing the same thing in myself over and over across several years and eventually deciding that reading about it privately was not going to resolve anything. What has kept me here is that the conversations, the two of them I have managed, were far more ordinary than I expected. Nobody has been strange with me. One person spent an hour explaining negotiation and asked for nothing at all.
What I want is more of that. Conversation. Questions answered. Possibly, eventually, meeting somebody in daylight for a coffee that is explicitly not the beginning of anything. I am not ready to agree to anything and I would rather say that plainly than discover it halfway through.
I am not nervous exactly. I am unformed, which is a different feeling and a more interesting one.
Not looking for anybody who wants to tell me what I am after four messages. Not looking to be somebody's first project. Not looking for a person who reads inexperience as an opportunity, and I have already learned to spot the shape of that in a first message.