I put the word new in my profile and the messages changed completely
- Looking for
- somebody who is interested in me rather than in my having no history
- Experience
- None. Five months on the app and one word in my bio.
- Around
- the east, Amsterdam
In March I added one sentence to my profile saying that I was new to all of this. Within a week the messages I was getting had changed character entirely. More of them, faster, and a noticeable share from people whose interest was clearly in the newness rather than in anything else about me.
I have not removed the sentence, because being honest about it matters more than the nuisance. But I have got very good at reading a first message. The tell is enthusiasm about my inexperience. A person who is genuinely fine with a beginner asks what I do for a living and what I have been reading. A person who is shopping for one tells me how much I have to learn.
Twenty seven, the east, no experience of any kind.
What I want is conversation with people considerably further along than me. How you knew. What you got wrong early. What you would tell somebody at the beginning if you could be bothered. I know that is asking for time I am not entitled to.
Not looking to meet anybody in the next few months. Not looking for anybody who describes themselves as protective in a first message, which has happened five times and meant something different each time. Not looking to be anybody's project.