A year of reading about this in two languages and doing none of it
- Looking for
- one honest conversation with somebody a long way in
- Experience
- None. A year of reading and no messages sent until now.
- Around
- the south, Amsterdam
I have been reading about this for about a year, in two languages, in a browser with the history cleared, the way you research a symptom that frightens you. This is the first thing I have ever written anywhere. I have rewritten it four times and each version was more polite and less true than the last, so I am sending the fourth before I can improve it further.
Thirty four, the south, no experience of anything in this world. What I have is a very clear sense that something is missing and an extremely unclear sense of what it is. A year of reading has given me the vocabulary and nothing else, which I now understand is the least useful preparation available.
What I want is one honest conversation with somebody who has been at this for years and can tell me what it is actually like on a Tuesday. Not the intense version. The maintenance version. Whether it takes up much of your life. Whether people are as careful as these posts suggest.
I am not looking for anything today, and possibly not this year. I would simply like to stop being a person who reads about things.
Not looking to be assessed. Not looking for anybody who wants to skip to arranging something. Not looking for a person who is bored of explaining, which is fair, and I will not take it personally.