got asked for my experience like it was a job application

Two days into a conversation and it turned into an interview.

How long have I been doing this. How many partners. How recently. Whether I have done a specific thing. Whether I have references. All in one message, one after the other, like a form.

And look, I understand vetting. I am in favour of vetting. I ask people things too. But it did not feel like getting to know someone, it felt like being assessed for a role I had not applied for. There was nothing about him in it at all.

I answered two of them honestly, which is that I do not have much experience and I am not in a rush, and the temperature dropped noticeably.

So is this normal and I am being touchy? Is there a good version of asking about someone’s experience, and if so what does it sound like? Because I would like to be able to tell the difference between somebody being careful and somebody sizing me up.

There is a real version of this question and yours is not it. The real version is one person trying to work out whether the two of you would be starting from the same place, and it sounds like a conversation. What you got is a form, and forms exist to sort people into a ranking. Being asked how long, how many and how recently, in a list, on day two, is somebody deciding where you go on their shelf.

answer the ones you feel like and ignore the rest. watch whether he notices

i will slightly defend the asking. i have had two situations go badly because i assumed a shared baseline that was not there, and i would rather ask an awkward question early than have that again. the delivery matters, obviously. mine is one question and it is what would you like to be different from last time

That single question is so much better than what I got that it is almost a different activity. Mine was five in a row with no context and nothing offered back.

The nothing offered back is the part I would trust. Anybody genuinely trying to find out whether you fit together will be telling you about themselves in the same breath, because they need you to be able to answer honestly and honest answers need a bit of cover. A one directional questionnaire is not vetting, it is assessment, and you are allowed to decline to be assessed by a stranger.

One more angle, since inexperience is doing some quiet work in your post. Being new is not a lower grade of the same thing, and a person who treats it as one will treat everything else that way too. The answer that has served me best when this comes up is completely plain: not much, and I am not in a hurry. Anybody who cools off at that has told you something for free.

Practical version for next time, because you will get asked again. Answer once, briefly and honestly, then ask him something concrete back. If the conversation balances out you had a nervous person doing it badly. If the questions keep coming and nothing comes back, you have your answer without ever needing to be rude about it.