Two apps, two versions of me, and I have deleted one of them
- Looking for
- both directions inside one relationship rather than split across two people
- Experience
- Fourteen years, nine of them inside a marriage.
- Around
- North York, Toronto
For two years I ran two apps with two different versions of myself on them. On one I was in charge and on the other I was not, and I told myself this was efficient. It was not efficient. It was two part time jobs and an excellent method for never being properly known by anybody.
Forty one, North York, fourteen years in this. Married for nine of them to somebody who knew about one version and not the other, which I now understand was the actual problem rather than anything to do with a phone.
I have deleted one profile and rewritten the other. Everything is on the surviving one: both directions, the ratio, what I am good at and what I am plainly not. Six weeks of that has produced fewer matches and considerably better ones, four of which have been the best conversations I have had on any app. I do not think that is a coincidence and I do not think it is a lesson anybody can be told rather than learn.
What I want now is one person, with both directions living inside the same relationship rather than divided between two people who each get half of me.
House, no shared walls, a teenager here half the week, so weekends are difficult and Tuesday to Thursday are wide open.
Not looking for anybody who needs a settled answer about which one I really am. Not looking to be somebody's single experiment in trying the other side.