There is a toggle that says whether I can host, and mine says no
- Looking for
- a long arrangement with somebody who treats logistics as a shared problem
- Experience
- Six years, two dynamics, one of them four years long.
- Around
- downtown, Toronto
There is a toggle on my profile for whether I can host. Mine says no, and that single word has ended more conversations than everything else I have written put together.
The toggle has no room for the reason. Nineteenth floor, a desk in the lobby, a man behind it who has worked there eleven years and misses nothing, and my mother two floors down in the same building. He is genuinely kind. He also looks up when somebody arrives at ten at night and looks up again when they leave, and that is the whole of it.
Forty one, submissive, downtown, six years in with two dynamics behind me and the longer one at four years. I have the means for a room occasionally and I am not proposing that as a way of life. What I am proposing is that where is a problem two adults solve together rather than a filter one of them fails on a screen.
What I want is a long arrangement with somebody older, run properly. Weekly in person, with rules that still apply on the days between. I am good at being held to something and poor at improvising, and I would rather admit that than discover it in front of you.
The message I get roughly once a fortnight is a variation on why do you not simply move. I like my flat, my mother is eighty and downstairs, and no.