I took two months off and came back invisible
- Looking for
- somebody who found this post rather than found me in the queue
- Experience
- Six years, two dynamics, one of them four years.
- Around
- the Bronx, New York
I took two months off in the spring for entirely ordinary reasons and came back to almost nothing. Same profile, same photographs, same everything, and a fraction of what I used to get. Whether that is the app deciding I am stale or simply the queue having moved on, I cannot tell, and there is nobody to ask.
What I do know is that being invisible in a place this size is indistinguishable from being rejected, and it took me a while to stop treating it as the second thing.
Forty, the Bronx, six years in, a switch, with one four year dynamic behind me that ended when she moved and one shorter one that ended badly enough that I took the spring off in the first place.
So I am writing a post instead of waiting to surface. What I want is an ongoing arrangement, either direction, with somebody who is thoughtful about the change of direction rather than performative about it. I like written agreements. I like a review every few months where either of us can say a thing is not working without it being a crisis.
I am patient, I am consistent, and I am not in a hurry. Not looking for anyone who wants to decide the direction before we have met. Not looking for a person who needs constant contact. And not looking to be somebody's rebound from a dynamic that ended in June, because I have been that twice and I am slow to notice it.