I ask for five minutes on video, and I offer to go first
- Looking for
- somebody sensible about safety who does not find it insulting
- Experience
- Thirteen years, three dynamics, two of them past two years.
- Around
- Queens, New York
Before I meet anybody I ask for five minutes on video, and I offer to go first, camera on, face visible, no negotiation about it. Half the people I ask are relieved. A quarter say yes and clearly find it odd. A quarter vanish, and I have decided that is a good outcome rather than a loss.
Forty one, Queens, dominant, thirteen years in. The reason I do it is not that I expect to be deceived. It is that the person on the other side is usually taking a much larger risk than I am, and a dominant who will not show his face on a call while asking somebody to trust him with a great deal more than that is asking for something he has not earned.
What I want is an ongoing dynamic, built slowly, with someone who has their own life and wants structure inside it. I like rules that are small and boring and daily. I like reporting. I am not interested in intensity as an aesthetic.
I will always suggest the first meeting is public, in daylight, with somebody knowing where you are. I will not be offended by any precaution you take and I would think less of you if you took none.
Not looking for anyone who wants to skip all of this because we have been talking for three weeks. Three weeks of typing is not knowing somebody. Not looking for a person who calls caution a lack of trust.