Daylight, a public table, an hour, always. No exceptions ever
- Looking for
- somebody who thinks that is sensible rather than insulting
- Experience
- Nine years, four dynamics, one that should have ended sooner.
- Around
- the Jersey side, New York
Every first meeting I have is in daylight, in public, for about an hour, and somebody knows where I am. That has been the rule for six years and it will not be bent for chemistry, for somebody's schedule, or for the argument that we have been talking for a month so surely it is fine.
Thirty six, the Jersey side, nine years in. The rule came out of one arrangement that I stayed in about eight months longer than I should have, which did not start badly and did not become dangerous, but did teach me how quickly you can stop noticing what you agreed to. Slow start, public first, and a friend who knows: those three things are cheap and they are the whole of my caution.
I am a switch and genuinely so, and I would like something ongoing where the direction is worked out between two adults rather than assigned by whoever is more confident. I like written terms. I like a review.
The people who react badly to any of the above have, without exception, been people I was glad to have found out about early. It is a very efficient filter and I recommend it.
Not looking for anyone who wants to meet somewhere private the first time. Not looking to be told that precautions are a trust problem. Not looking for a person who wants to move off the app in the first four messages.