I have cancelled on four people this year and each assumed it was them
- Looking for
- a dominant who treats a bad day as information rather than rejection
- Experience
- Six years, two dynamics, the longer one three years.
- Around
- Brooklyn, New York
Four cancellations in a year, all of them the same morning, all of them because my body had made the decision before I woke up. Every one of those people took it personally and two of them said so. I have started putting this in the first message now, which loses me matches and saves me weeks.
Thirty five, Brooklyn, submissive, six years in, with an illness that flares without warning and settles again without explanation. Most weeks are fine. Some weeks are not, and I cannot tell you in advance which is which, and the app's whole rhythm of make a plan, confirm the plan, keep the plan is built for somebody whose body is more reliable than mine.
What works is a dominant who plans in a way that survives a cancellation. Things I do daily that do not require me to be upright. A check in by message. A standing arrangement with a rain date already in it, so that calling off does not feel like failing an exam.
What I want otherwise is not unusual. Structure, correction, being useful, being known well enough that somebody notices when I am covering.
Not looking for anyone who wants to fix me, or who has a supplement to recommend. Not looking for a dynamic built on being available. And not looking to explain the diagnosis in detail, because it is mine, and what matters to you is the shape of it rather than the name.