I came here assuming it was about sex, and I am no longer sure
- Looking for
- an honest conversation about the part that is not about sex at all
- Experience
- None. Four months of reading and a growing suspicion I was wrong.
- Around
- downtown, Los Angeles
I downloaded this thinking I knew what I was looking at. Four months of reading this board later, the posts I keep going back to are not the ones I expected. They are the ones about somebody having a standard to meet and a person who checks. About being told the day is over and you did well. I keep reading those and feeling something that has very little to do with what I thought I came here for.
Thirty, downtown, no experience of any kind, and slightly disoriented by my own reaction.
I do not know the words for this and I am not going to pretend that reading has taught me anything except that I was wrong about the shape of it. I am also aware that saying you are interested in the non sexual part can read as either a line or a way of making myself sound respectable. It is neither. It is just what happened.
What I would like is to talk at length with somebody experienced who can tell me what this looks like in practice, on a Tuesday, when nobody is performing.
Not looking to be anybody's beginner project. Not looking to have my interest reinterpreted for me. And not looking for anything to happen quickly, because I would rather understand it first.