My first message contains a day, a part of town and an hour
- Looking for
- somebody who answers a concrete question with a concrete answer
- Experience
- Six years, three dynamics, the longest of them two years.
- Around
- the Westside, Los Angeles
I stopped opening with anything clever about a year ago. Now my first message says who I am in two lines and then proposes an actual day, an actual part of town and an actual hour, a fortnight out. About a third of people find it presumptuous. About a third of the rest say yes immediately, and those are the only conversations I have had all year that turned into anything.
Thirty four, the Westside, submissive, six years in, three dynamics with the longest running two years.
The reason is not efficiency. It is that a concrete proposal is a question that cannot be answered vaguely, and vagueness is what this whole place is made of. Somebody who wants to meet says a day. Somebody who is enjoying the messages says something warm that contains no information, and I now recognise the difference in one exchange rather than six weeks.
What I want is an ongoing dynamic with structure that survives ordinary weeks. Expectations agreed in advance, a rhythm of contact, correction that is verbal and immediate.
I am not rude about any of this, and I take a no gracefully and immediately. Not looking for anybody who needs three weeks of preamble before a plan is allowed to exist. Not looking to be chased or to chase. And not looking for someone who agrees to the day and then treats it as provisional right up until the hour.