Six weeks of questions from somebody who was never going to meet me
- Looking for
- somebody who intends to meet, and says so before the questions start
- Experience
- Two years, no dynamic yet, one very long conversation that went nowhere.
- Around
- the east, London
He was thorough, and I mistook thorough for serious. Six weeks of detailed questions about my history, my limits, my family, what I would and would not do and why. I answered all of it honestly and at length because I thought it was the beginning of something careful. When I finally proposed an actual day he said he did not really do meetings, and I understood that I had spent six weeks being a hobby.
Twenty eight, the east, submissive, two years in, no arrangement yet, and considerably less naive than I was in March.
I am not angry about it now. He never lied to me, I simply never asked the one question that would have saved me six weeks, which is whether he intends to meet anybody at all. So I ask it first. Not aggressively, and not as a challenge, just early enough to matter. After that I am happy to answer anything.
What I want is a structured ongoing dynamic with somebody experienced. Rules, contact, a weekly rhythm, and a person who tells me plainly how I am doing.
Not looking for another long questionnaire. Not looking for somebody who enjoys the negotiating more than the thing being negotiated. And not looking for anyone who needs a full account of my limits before offering a single fact about themselves.