A numbered list of questions is not a conversation and I will not answer
- Looking for
- somebody willing to talk rather than collect
- Experience
- Ten years, three dynamics, all of them begun by talking normally.
- Around
- the west, London
I have received four of them this year. A numbered list, sometimes twenty questions long, arriving as a first message, covering everything from my limits to my availability to what I think about being told what to wear. Each time it is presented as thoroughness. Each time it is a form, sent to an unknown number of people, and what it produces is a spreadsheet rather than a relationship.
Forty one, the west, submissive, ten years in, three arrangements and every one of them started with an ordinary conversation.
I understand the impulse. There is a lot of vagueness on here and a form feels like a defence against it. But I have never once been asked a question in a list that could not have been asked better in a sentence, and I have never met anybody who sent me one.
What I want is a structured ongoing dynamic. Expectations that get set out properly before anything begins, which is a different thing entirely from an intake form. A weekly rhythm. Somebody who notices.
Not looking to be processed. Not looking for anybody who needs all of my information before offering any of theirs. And not looking for the version of thoroughness that is really just efficiency at scale, because I can tell, and so can everybody else who has had four of them.