I meet once and then deliberately leave it two weeks
- Looking for
- a submissive who is still interested after a fortnight of nothing much
- Experience
- Twelve years, three dynamics, all of them slow to start.
- Around
- downtown, Los Angeles
After a first meeting I go quiet on purpose for two weeks. Not silent, but ordinary: a message every few days, nothing arranged, no momentum. It is the single most useful thing I do and it costs me perhaps a third of the people I meet, which is exactly what it is for. What this app manufactures is intensity, and intensity in the first fortnight tells you nothing about whether somebody will still be there in October.
Fifty five, downtown, dominant, twelve years in, three arrangements with the longest at six years.
The people who survive the fortnight are the ones who were interested in me rather than in the feeling of a new thing starting. They write about their week. They ask a question they have been carrying around. Nobody who was going to disappear in month three has ever made it through, and I say all of this at the meeting itself so it does not look like coldness or a game.
What I run afterwards is careful and quite formal. Terms agreed out loud. A weekly evening. Written expectations that get revisited properly rather than assumed.
Not looking for anybody who needs daily contact to feel secure, at least not at the start. Not looking for a person who describes their last dynamic as their entire personality. And not looking for anyone who reads a slow start as a lack of interest, because it is the opposite and I have run out of ways to phrase that.