I stopped reading my inbox and started writing to people myself
- Looking for
- somebody who will not be offended that I found them rather than the reverse
- Experience
- Nine years, three dynamics, one that lasted five years.
- Around
- the Valley, Los Angeles
Being a dominant woman on an app means the inbox is a weather event. Forty a week, most of them a single word, several of them a paragraph about what I am going to do to somebody who has not asked whether I want to. Reading it was making me a worse person, so a year ago I stopped opening it entirely and started going out and writing to people myself.
Forty five, the Valley, dominant, nine years in this, three arrangements with the longest running five years.
The result has been the best year I have had on here. When I write first I have already read everything somebody wrote and decided they are interesting, so the conversation starts about eight steps further along. It also means the people who write brilliant unanswered messages into my silence never hear back, and I am sorry about that. There is no version of this where I read forty messages a week and remain fit to talk to anybody.
What I want is a long structured arrangement with somebody who has a full life of their own. Standing expectations, one fixed evening, independence in between, and a review when something stops fitting.
Not looking for anyone who needs to feel chosen through volume. Not looking for a title in the first exchange. And if I have written to you, please do not open by apologising for not having written to me. Start somewhere more interesting than that.