I am the person who cancels, and here is the honest reason
- Looking for
- somebody who can hold a plan loosely without holding me cheaply
- Experience
- Three years, one dynamic of a year, ended kindly.
- Around
- the South Bay, Los Angeles
Every third post on this board is somebody complaining about people who do not turn up. I am one of those people, so I am going to answer it. I have a condition that decides, at about four in the afternoon, whether I am a functioning adult that evening. I cannot tell you at the weekend what Thursday will look like. When I cancel it is not indifference, it is that the alternative is arriving somewhere and being no use to anybody.
Thirty one, the South Bay, submissive, three years in, one dynamic of about a year that ended kindly and mostly over exactly this.
What I have changed is that I no longer agree to anything more than a week out, and I say the whole of this in the first proper conversation rather than after the second cancellation. It costs me some people immediately, which is fine, because those are the people it would have cost me anyway in six weeks.
What works for me is a dynamic that lives mostly in the ordinary days. Rules, tasks, reporting, being checked on. None of that requires me to be upright at seven in the evening.
Not looking for anyone who wants a fixed weekly appointment. Not looking to be nursed or managed. And not looking for somebody who says it is fine and then makes it very clear, gradually, that it is not fine.