I can list five certainties, and not one of them is something I want
- Looking for
- somebody who can work forwards from a list of nos
- Experience
- None. A year of reading and two conversations that went nowhere.
- Around
- the east side, Los Angeles
Ask me what I want and I go blank. Ask me what I do not want and I can give you five, immediately, in order: nothing that leaves a mark, nothing in front of other people, nothing involving being called names, nothing that has to be sexual to count, and nothing that requires me to pretend to be more experienced than I am. That is the entire contents of my head after a year of reading, and every profile form I have filled in wants the opposite list.
Thirty four, the east side, and I have never done any of this.
The one positive thing I can say is that when I read about somebody being given a small set of rules and being checked on, something in me goes very quiet and pays attention. I have no idea whether that is the thing everybody here is talking about or something adjacent to it.
So I am hoping to talk to somebody experienced who is not put off by a person defined mostly by negatives, and who can ask the sort of questions that get at what is underneath them.
I am not asking for a free education and I am not going to vanish after four weeks of somebody's time. Not looking for anything physical soon. And not looking for a list of things I should try.