Nothing here has shocked me, and that is what I am asking about
- Looking for
- somebody who can tell me whether a lack of alarm means anything
- Experience
- None. A year of reading and an oddly calm reaction to all of it.
- Around
- the south east, London
I have read a great deal on this board and elsewhere over the last year, including things I expected to find upsetting, and my reaction to almost all of it has been a sort of mild recognition. Not excitement particularly. Not disgust at all. Something closer to reading about a job I have not done yet. I do not know whether that is meaningful or whether I have simply read enough to be numb to it.
Thirty three, the south east, no experience of any of this.
The reason it matters is that everybody describes arriving here through some strong feeling, and I have not had one. I have had a steady, unspectacular sense that this is where the thing I want lives, and no idea whether that is a good foundation or an intellectual exercise I am mistaking for a want.
So I would like to talk to somebody experienced about that specifically. Not about activities. About whether calm interest is a normal way in or a sign of something else.
What I think I want, if pressed, is structure and being accountable to a person. Not looking to be startled into finding out. Not looking for anybody who wants to test my reaction to things. And not looking for a fast introduction to anything.