Twenty five, genuinely new, and repeatedly told I must be lying
- Looking for
- somebody who will take a beginner at their word
- Experience
- None whatsoever, which nobody accepts.
- Around
- the east, London
Three people have told me, in slightly different words, that nobody my age is really new to this. Apparently everybody has seen everything and read everything, so claiming to be a beginner is a strategy rather than a fact. I have found this genuinely disorienting: I say the truest thing I know about myself and it is treated as a technique.
Twenty five, the east, and I have never done any of this with anybody.
What I have is a lot of half information from the internet, most of which I now suspect is wrong, and no experience of a single conversation with a person about any of it until this year. That combination is apparently unusual and I am beginning to believe it, since everyone I talk to seems to know a great deal more than me.
What I want, as far as I can describe it, is to be given rules and held to them by somebody who takes it seriously. I do not want to be broken down, improved, or turned into a project.
Not looking to be tested on my sincerity. Not looking for anybody who is excited specifically by how new I am, which two people have been and which made me deeply uncomfortable. And not looking to be told what my limits are before I have found out.