Five minutes on camera before we meet, and not for the reason you think
- Looking for
- a submissive man over thirty five who has done some version of this before
- Experience
- Nine years, two dynamics, one of them three years.
- Around
- the west end, Toronto
Before we meet I will ask for a short video call, and I want to explain what I am checking for, because it is not what people assume. I am not checking that you look like your photographs. I am checking whether you can hold a conversation while slightly uncomfortable, whether the man typing and the man talking are recognisably the same person, and whether you go strange when somebody sets a small condition. Five minutes answers all three.
Twice I skipped it. Once because he was charming and once because I was tired, and both times I sat across from somebody who bore no useful resemblance to the man in the chat. Nothing dangerous happened. It was two wasted evenings and a long walk afterwards thinking about my own judgement.
Thirty five, dominant, west end, nine years in, two dynamics behind me and the longer one at three years.
What I run is neither intense nor a calendar of scenes. It is a weekly arrangement with somebody who wants steering in the ordinary parts of life: what time you get up, whether the admin got done, how you speak to yourself when something goes wrong. Physical, yes, but that is not where most of the work happens.
I would prefer a man over thirty five who has done some version of this before, even badly. I do not have the patience to be an encyclopaedia.
If a call with the camera on is a problem, that is genuinely fine, and it also means we are finished.