I ran the same profile under two labels for a month each
- Looking for
- somebody who is also both, or who is genuinely fine with a partner who is
- Experience
- Seven years, one dynamic of five years that quietly reversed itself.
- Around
- the 905, Toronto
I ran the same profile under one label for a month and the other for a month. Same photographs, same words otherwise. Under the first, forty seven matches. Under the second, nine. I am not going to build a philosophy on that but I did write the numbers down and I have not been able to unsee them.
Thirty three, out in the 905, and I went back to the honest label afterwards, because the forty seven were not looking for me. They were looking for a word, and the word happened to be attached to my face that month.
Seven years in this. One dynamic of five years in which I led for the first two and followed for the last three, entirely by drift, and neither of us ever renegotiated a thing out loud. That is the mistake I am trying not to repeat.
What I want is somebody who is also both, or somebody firmly one thing who is genuinely comfortable with a partner who is not. The second is rarer than profiles suggest and easier to test than you would think: ask how they would feel about it in month eight rather than month one.
I will do the driving at a weekend. I will not do it on a Tuesday and I have stopped pretending I might.
Not looking to demonstrate both directions at a first meeting, which has now been proposed to me twice.