The role field is one choice and I am the corner case
- Looking for
- one person who will discuss the changeover as a mechanical thing
- Experience
- Six years, two dynamics, both ended in the same fog.
- Around
- downtown, Toronto
The role field is a single choice from a dropdown. I have picked one, changed it, picked the other, changed it back, and eventually settled on the honest answer, which halves the number of people who are ever shown my profile.
That is not really the app's fault. Most people are filtering for one thing and the field lets them, and I am the corner case. But the effect is worth naming, because it took me a year to work out that the silence was structural rather than personal.
Thirty, downtown, six years in, lab work, odd hours in the middle of the day. What happens in practice is that dominants filter for submissive, submissives filter for dominant, and the third option gets read as undecided. I am not undecided. I lead with people who are newer than me and I follow with people who are further along, and that has been consistent for six years, which makes it a fact rather than a mood.
What I want is one person who can do the same and who will talk about the changeover as a piece of machinery. When it happens. How we decide. What we do if one of us wants a run of six weeks in one direction. I have never had that conversation properly and both of my dynamics ended in exactly the same fog.
Shared flat, thin walls, cannot host, free most weeknights.
Not looking for two separate people, one each way. I tried that and spent the entire time running a rota.