I said yes to everything for one week to see what would actually happen
- Looking for
- one person whose word and calendar are the same object
- Experience
- Four years, one dynamic of two years, ended amicably.
- Around
- downtown, Los Angeles
In April I ran a small experiment. For one week I said yes to every plan anybody proposed, regardless of distance or day, purely to find out what the rate was. Seven plans got agreed. Two of them happened. One of the two arrived forty minutes late and left early. I am not offering that as a tragedy, I am offering it as a number, because everybody on this board argues about this and nobody counts.
Thirty nine, downtown, submissive, four years in, one dynamic that ran two years and ended for reasons neither of us regrets.
What the week taught me is that the failure is almost never at the meeting. It is in the three days before it, where a plan quietly stops being real to one person and nobody says so. So now I ask on the morning, plainly, and I have made peace with being the one who asks.
What I am looking for is a dominant who wants something continuous rather than occasional: standing expectations, a fixed evening, a task or two that continue when we are not together, and honesty about the weeks when it will not work.
Not looking for anyone who agrees to things to be pleasant. Not looking for a person who is running six of these at once, which after this year I can usually spot by the second message. And not looking to do the counting again.