Agreeing terms is paperwork and I have no interest in dressing it up
- Looking for
- somebody who finds a plain conversation about terms reassuring
- Experience
- Eighteen years, four dynamics, all of them agreed the same dull way.
- Around
- Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
We will sit down, probably in the daytime, and go through it properly: what you want, what I want, what neither of us will do, how contact works, what happens when one of us needs to stop. It will take about two hours and it will be as unromantic as arranging insurance. Then it is done, and everything afterwards can be what it is meant to be because nobody is guessing.
Fifty one, Prenzlauer Berg, dominant, eighteen years in, four arrangements with the longest at nine years.
People raised on the apps often expect this to happen in fragments, over weeks, mixed in with flirtation. I have tried it that way and what it produces is two people who each believe something slightly different and find out in month four.
What I run afterwards is consistent rather than intense: a fixed evening, standing obligations, contact at agreed times, and a review every few months.
Not looking for anybody who wants the terms to emerge naturally. Not looking for somebody who will agree to everything in the meeting and revise it privately afterwards. And not looking for a person who needs the negotiation itself to be exciting, because I have made it deliberately dull and I am not changing that.