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The board · Toronto · Curious

Forty nine, two months in, and the app itself baffles me

Posted as still_confused, 19 August 2026

Looking for
a slow ordinary conversation with somebody who has actually done this
Experience
None. Thirty years of thinking about it and no action at all.
Around
the 905, Toronto

The app itself baffles me. Not the swiping, I can manage that. Everything else: tags nobody defines, people writing in fragments, and the discovery that a conversation can end without either person ending it. I am forty nine and I have been doing this for two months.

Out in the 905, separated eighteen months ago after a long marriage that was not unhappy, only finished.

I would like to be honest that I do not know what I am. I have thought about a specific thing for a very long time and never acted on it, and thirty years is long enough for the thinking to become elaborate. I am well aware that elaborate is not the same as real.

What I would like is somebody with experience willing to have a slow, ordinary conversation with a beginner. I do not need the vocabulary explained. I need to talk to a person who has actually done this and find out which of the things in my head bear any resemblance to it.

My own house, nobody else in it, and hosting is easy, which I gather is rarer than I realised.

Two people so far have proposed meeting within a day of first writing. I do not think either meant harm, but it told me something about how they run things.

I am not fragile. I ran a business for eleven years. I am simply new at an age where writing that is embarrassing.

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What to have sorted before you reply

If this one reads like your own head rather than somebody to answer, the tactics can wait. These three all happen before there is a first match to get wrong.

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