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The board · London · Switch

My partner is on this app too, and we have rules about it

Posted as both_on_here, 13 September 2026

Looking for
somebody comfortable being one part of an arrangement that is already open
Experience
Fifteen years, one long open relationship and two dynamics outside it.
Around
the commuter belt, London

We have been together eleven years and open for eight, and we are both on this app separately, which produces some genuinely absurd moments. We have twice been shown to each other. We have a rule that neither of us reads the other's profile, which we both keep and both find slightly ridiculous. We tell each other when something becomes ongoing, and not before, because the alternative is a running commentary that helps nobody.

Forty six, the commuter belt, switch, fifteen years in this, two arrangements outside the relationship and both of them fine.

I put all of that at the top because finding out in week five that somebody is partnered is a horrible way to learn it, and because a fair number of people will stop reading here, which is the correct outcome for both of us.

What I am looking for is an ongoing arrangement with structure: either direction, a regular evening, real expectations, and a place in my week that is genuinely protected.

Not looking for anybody hoping this becomes primary, because it will not. Not looking to be anybody's secret. And not looking for a person who wants to know a great deal about my relationship, which is not on offer and is not interesting.

Reply to this post Replies go through your account, not this page. Nothing you send is published here.

What to have sorted before you reply

Which direction is on the table this month is not in the post, and asking flat out reads badly. That takes a conversation, and a conversation needs a room you can walk out of.

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Put one of your own where people near you will read it, and answer the ones already up.

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