Here nobody argues about my being both, they just assume I want two people
- Looking for
- one arrangement that goes both ways rather than two that go one way
- Experience
- Nine years, three dynamics, one of them genuinely in both directions.
- Around
- Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
In other cities I spent a great deal of energy defending the fact that I go both ways. Here nobody argues with it at all, which is a relief, and it has been replaced by a different assumption: that I must therefore be looking for two arrangements, one in each direction, running in parallel. Almost everybody who writes to me has already decided that.
Thirty eight, Prenzlauer Berg, switch, nine years in, three arrangements and one of them the thing I am describing.
What I actually want is one person who can do both. Not alternating on a schedule, not two separate relationships, one arrangement with enough range in it that we can move and both of us know how. It exists, because I had it for four years, and it was the best thing either of us had.
I know how much harder that is to find than two halves. I have tried the two halves version and found it thin in a way I could not fix.
Not looking for somebody who will go the other way once as an experiment. Not looking for two arrangements. And not looking for anybody who wants me to be predominantly one thing with occasional exceptions, which is what I usually get offered.